Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in la tristesse durera's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
10:18 pm	THIS IS THE LAST TIME, I SWEAR new lj: lipsticker (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 7th, 2004
10:13 pm	im going back to using girl_disarmed follow me? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
3:14 am	You scored as Couch Potato Cat. Decorative pillow? No, that'd be you sitting on the couch, even still. Hmm. . . I'm guessing you have Web TV. </td> Couch Potato Cat 100% Drunk Cat 92% Pissed at the World Cat 83% Ninja Cat 75% Love Machine Cat 42% Nerd Cat 25% Derranged Cat 0% Which Absurd Cat are you? created with QuizFarm.com (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
12:39 am	i really do hate this thing. its ugly and i cant seem to get the layout the way i want it. so im abandoning it for a bit. ill be on od at her hit list. xo. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 29th, 2004
1:57 am	so i took a detour to nyc to see tonys band play at cbgb's. however, their winobego broke down somewhere in northern jersey. i did buy a homeless guy dinner. this made me very pleased. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 28th, 2004
2:30 pm	on my way home last night, i picked up two hitchhikers. they were on their way from nyc to louisianna because "they like the sun." we all exchanged stories, political views, etc. & it was just really rad meeting a couple who were my age who decided to just pick up & leave it all behind for warmer weather. and vh1's new tv show motor mouth is awsome. (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 27th, 2004
3:09 pm	i just wanna say that i have the best boyfriend in the world!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 26th, 2004
8:38 pm	you have no sympathy for my grieving i guess im weak or something. constantly fucking up, using people as the means to an end instead of the end in itself [the end being happiness, or at least okay-ness is what im hoping for]. & if they dont call back, push the plans back a few hours, im confused and uncertain and i tend to bare my teeth. & yet, i do this constantly...forget to phone, change my plans suddenly. im scared of what people might think or say or do if i tell them certain things, if i go against the grain of status quo normality. i dunno. im looking through the drawers of our kitchen. im home alone & i have this overwhelming need/urge to cut. which is surprising, given the fact that ive found myself in worse places this past year & havent. i guess its the loneliness talking here, the ideas that ill never be good enough...smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough...that ill always be this sort of sad sort of fucked up person that people will choose to throw away. nobody has ever stuck around long enough to see my true potential, nobody has ever given me the chance to change. they get bored or weary or mad or something and they leave me. nobody ever has seen me through the years. nobody has ever stuck through the hospitals, the empty promises, the sickness. & im talking on a day to day basis here. i tell them about one of my many ailments, & they get scared... will i get this from her? is she a walking pathogen? i could never be friends w/ a leper for more than a year. theres all this talk of doing good, of being a true friend, of unconditional love. nothing of the sort exists between twenty-something-year-olds in this day & age. nobody has time to stick around to see the good, to see what a person can possibly become. & it angers me to no end. not one person w/ the exception of my family has been there for me in every possible way...not one fucking person has stuck it out. yah, im sick. yah, im depressed and forgetful. but so is everybody to a certain extent. so ya know what? fuck every single last one of you. fuck the people that left after i was diagnosed w/ tourettes...fuck the ones that left when i started crying, cutting...& fuck you guys who left me this year when my last diagnosis came in. you are all hypocrits...all liars...just like me. there is no such thing as true friendship anymore. i dont see it in the ones that i am close to, i dont see it in others, & i dont even goddamn see it in myself. we are all too busy ruining ourselves w/ drugs, booze, sex...life gets in the way. & none of us realize it until its too late. so im calling you guys on this, im calling myself on it...THERE IS NO TRULY DECENT PEOPLE...NO TRULY 100% DEDICATED FRIENDSHIPS. so whatever. as i said before, fuck every single last one of us. Current Mood: morose Current Music: the dresden dolls (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 25th, 2004
6:45 pm	yesterday was so much fun. chilled w/ rizzo for about two hours before having dinner w/ justin. then jay showed me his new place. hes living in a zoo, literally. the lady he lives w/ works at the spca so she has sooo many animals...two dogs, five cats, two ferrets, two rats, a couple rabbits, etc. but its cool because all the animals get along totally great. jay's next door neighbor is this hot gay guy named jose and we drank a couple beers w/ him & i played w/ the pitbull. we ended up losing one of the ferrets, but only briefly. today was good. normal family get together. didnt have any cigarettes so that drove me crazy. & i get to see tony tomorrow! oh, & im going back up to nyc on my way home sunday to catch his band play again. yay! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
9:58 pm	i went to the drive-in the other day. smoked pot in the back of a winobego and drove around without the use of my hands. had coffe w/ kat last night. we walked around & talked about sex and deep throating and college and kids. then i went over to henri's and he told me i had to go see this movie called i heart huckabees [or something of that nature]. seeing jay tomorrow <333. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 20th, 2004
6:48 pm	novel concepts trash a hotel: i need to start writing a novel trash a hotel: but i cant think of any original ideas Lolita Tempting: there aren't any Lolita Tempting: just write something that freask you out Lolita Tempting: you should write about Ben Lolita Tempting: and you trash a hotel: haha Lolita Tempting: but change his name to Barney trash a hotel: the nonexistant love story trash a hotel: hahaa trash a hotel: nice Lolita Tempting: Barney and Sascha Lolita Tempting: ha that's what I do! trash a hotel: excellent Lolita Tempting: sexcellent! Lolita Tempting: Avery and Jeremiah Lolita Tempting: Ashley and Johnny (Comment on this)
1:38 pm	( peee-tctures ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
1:05 am	arent we all lukewarm and happy? nyc was quite lovely. however, its four a.m. and im tired so ill write about it tomorrow. edit: i was soooo proud of myself because i found my way into the city no problem...even a rockstar parking spot on 2nd ave. the continental was on 3rd & st. marks, and the bouncer there was totally devilish because he wouldnt let me in, even though tony said i was w/ the band. so when they did their set, i wandered the streets. it was cool though. saw some delicious boys walking around in leather and wool. one odd broad came up to me howling about how i was a black girl & not wearing a crucifix. after all was said & done, i was invited to go party it up in an apartment in queens, but it was already 3 a.m. & i had a four hour drive ahead of me & classes in the morning. grr to responsibility. (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 13th, 2004
4:30 am	im going to nyc [hopefully] on monday to see tony's band play at the continental. im looking forward to be surrounded by lights and musicians again. my mind's getting the better of me. so many things that i wish i could be doing, should be doing, if only i could get out of nathan's bed in the morning. i guess im sleeping in all day because its my only escape route...the only thing that allows me not to deal with myself right now. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
1:52 am	dont put your life in the hands of a rock 'n roll band snow seems to quicken the pace of the heart, seems to shrink the skull, seems to stop engines and start love affairs. people's lives become dormant, we are at a stand still during winter time, waiting for the world to slip quietly back into motion. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 7th, 2004
3:10 am	i got drunk, barfed, then passed out on nathans bed around ten p.m. now its three a.m.and i just woke up again. grr. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
9:32 pm	the only bush i trust is my own this is the beginning for the end for us. another four fuckin' years. my god. im heading north. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
4:02 am	The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along. - Rumi (Comment on this)
Monday, November 1st, 2004
8:20 pm	We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies -- all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes. - Aldous Huxley (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 28th, 2004
3:45 am	cheesy horror flicks are fantastic. i have a new appreciation for the velveeta that can accompany vampires in bad makeup. theres a halloween party on friday. due to lack of money, im going to be going as a brick. i shall get a fairly large cardboard box and paint it brown. boston this weekend. woo hoo! (1 Comment |Comment on this)